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Whether you’re looking for a Christian women’s event speaker, an author, or a writing instructor, you’ve come to the right place! Go ahead, take your shoes off and get comfortable. Let’s get to know each other!

And while you're here, I hope you'll check out my new book trailer for Seeing Through the Lies. ;-)

The Christian Writer's Den Blog

Welcome to The Christian Writer's Den! If you're a writer, ever thought about writing, or just like to hang around writers, I hope you'll join us! I post every Tuesday, but you can visit and comment anytime. Here's the schedule:

1st Tuesday-Encouragement from the Bible with application to the writing life.
2nd Tuesday-Writing instruction and kudos for recently published readers. 3rdTuesday-Writing instruction and list of writing opportunities.
4th Tuesday-Visiting author interview and book give away.
5th Tuesday-We'll have a guest blogger--and it could be YOU!

Please don't be shy. This blog is for you, whether you're just considering writing, have been writing for years, or just enjoy hanging around writers, so please leave a comment or question any time. It's my prayer that this blog will help each of us grow in God's calling on our lives.

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Looking Out for Number One

In today's world, it's all about me . . . and it's all about you. It's all about what we want and what we need and what we'll do to get it. While game shows demonstrate how to wheel and deal our way to financial freedom, reality TV delivers a one-two punch of alliances and backstabbing. It's done in the name of entertainment, but if we're honest, we all secretly dream of being the top dog. Numero uno. The big cheese.   

Well, I hate to brag, but, well, I've been number one, and . . .let me tell you . . . it feels good! When I was ten years old, I won first place in the 4-H Talent Show for my rendition of the song, "Side-by-Side." My partner, an upside-down broom with a construction paper face, shared the spotlight. We won ten dollars together. It was a heady experience, and I was hooked.

But my number one status was soon forgotten and I had to find a way to recapture my position. Although I absolutely hated country music, I understood the need to sacrifice for my art. (Sounds so much better than compromising for my goal!) So I borrowed a guitar, took some lessons, and learned a few chords. Before long, I was a regular on the Ben Leonard Show every Saturday morning at 7am (Yes, there really is a 7AM on Saturday morning!). Decked out in a brown cowgirl hat and matching vest, I strummed the borrowed guitar and sang about broken hearts and hound dogs.

It was the peak of my musical career. Within months, the world's infatuation with a miniature Loretta Lynn wannabe was over (well, at least the infatuation of all eleven viewers who were awake at 7am on Saturday morning--including the five members of my own family). There I was, a musical has-been at the tender age of twelve.

But the point is, even as a pre-teen, I was willing to do almost anything to be Number One in my little corner of the world. It didn't matter that I didn't like country music. The important thing was, I liked the position. I liked the praise.

I wasn't alone.

Since the beginning of time, mankind has been fighting for position and praise. Yes, we all hope to be the big shot at some point in our lives. And it begins long before we're adults. Just spend a few minutes in the church nursery and you'll see the evidence of our collective self-centeredness. Without any training whatsoever, toddlers know how to build alliances and backstab their way to what they want--and they'll fight and bite to get it. As kids, we push and shove and try to garner the number one slot.

Then finally, we grow up . . . and common sense tells us if we don't look out for ourselves, who will?

That's the opposite of what Jesus says.

Satan delights in this all-consuming sense of self-because he led the way.

Our first introduction to this devil of deception is in the garden. And the scary part is, before he ever met Eve, he knew her. He already knew what it would take to deceive her. He knew he didn't need to orchestrate an elaborate presentation, he simply had to introduce confusion through doubt.

He smiles at his little ingénue. "Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden?'"

It didn't take long for Eve to dance around the truth and come up with her own variation of reality. But the bottom line is, Satan formulated a lie and introduced doubt into the picture. And then he took the next step, he accessed her innate sense of self-promotion: "You will not surely die . . . you will be like God . . . ."

Yes, the Father of Lies came up with the Mother of All Lies: "You can be right up there with God. You can be Number One."

Writer-friends, listen--just like Satan knew Eve, he knows us! He knows us and he's selling us a lie. One that says our worth is in direct proportion to our position!

And Satan's lie feeds our self-centered focus.

But Jesus tells us the truth. And His truth says we become "more" only when we become "less." In Mark 10, beginning with verse 32, Jesus is walking with His disciples on the way to Jerusalem for the Triumphant Entry. He has just told them--yet again--that He will soon die. But this time He tells them more. He tells them that He'll not only die, but He'll be mocked, spat upon, and flogged prior to His painful, humiliating death. Oh, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for our Lord to share the heartrending details of His upcoming death!

But even though the disciples had heard the message before, they still didn't get it. In Mark 10:35 James and John respond to Jesus' painful report by asking (and I paraphrase), "Yeah, okay, well, listen, Jesus, we've got something we want to ask You." 

How sad. There was Jesus, pouring His heart out to those who were supposed to love Him, who were supposed to be devoted to Him . . . and they didn't seem to care. But Jesus doesn't reprimand them. Instead, He simply asks, "What do you want me to do for you?"

James and John continue their self-centered request. "Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory." In other words, "Can we be the big cheese with you? Can we be the top dogs, too?"

Oh, how their words must have hurt Him! He was preparing them for the worst, and all they wanted was the best. The best for themselves. 

I can just imagine the disappointment in His eyes as He releases a sorrowful sigh. His shoulders droop and His head slowly shakes back and forth. "You don't know what you are asking."

Then, as the other disciples gather around, He says this (and again, I paraphrase): "If you really want to be number one, you have to become nothing. If you really want to be first, you have to be a servant. Just like Me. I didn't come to be number one, I came to die . . . for you."

Oh, friends, that brings tears to my eyes! He is God in the Flesh! He is our Mighty Warrior, our Prince of Peace, and the Savior of the world!

Why are we fighting for position and praise? Why are we trying to be number one when the only Number One of all time became Nothing . . . for us?

As followers of Christ, we must take on the mind of Christ. And in order to have the mind of Christ, we must become servants. We must take off the royal robes and put on the slaves' rags.

People need to see Jesus in action, and if we're willing to serve, they'll be able to see Him . . . in us.

What can we do in our writing lives to be the hands and feet . . . . in order to share the heart and mind of Christ?

(Photos courtesy of ChristianPhotos.net)

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Speaking of Hearts...

My new friend, David Hollar, sent me this link to a powerful video, The Parable of the Heart. I sat at my computer and cried. Do we have the heart of Jesus? Do we really?

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Call for Kudos!

Hey, writers--it's that time again. Time to celebrate God's blessings in your writing and speaking life. So if you've had a recent publication, received a new contract, gotten a new website, or any other writing or speaking achievements, please email me and I'll share the good news next week!

IMPORTANT: Please include your name, your state, your good news, and any links to the publication and/or your website. Thanks!

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And the Winner of Deb Dunn's Book, Stupid About Men Is...

Lynn N! Congratulations! Now Lynn, just email me with your mailing address and the book will be on its way to you!

IMPORTANT FOLLOW-UP: Deb has taken to the time to address some of your comments and questions about romance at her website. Here you can read her excellent advice on how to deal with some of the difficult issues of life.

Thanks again, Deb!

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And now, as we continue our journey as writers of Truth, let's consider this: Are we seeking to glorify Him, or ourselves? If we're honest, we have to admit it's a constant battle, isn't it? Oh, that we'll be focused on seeking to serve Him! We can do that by following these simple words, said by John the Baptist:

He must become greater; I must become less. John 3:30

Let's work hard...to become less.

I pray God's blessing on the work of your hands and your hearts,

Vonda

February 2, 2010 | 7 Comments | View or add comments

Interview and Book Give Away with Deborah Dunn

It's almost Valentine's Day, so love is in the air - or is it? According to my dear friend and southern sister, Deborah Dunn, it may not be love. In her book, Stupid About Men: 10 Rules for Getting Romance Right, Deb helps women learn how to make good choices in men. Deb is a licensed family and marriage therapist, as well as an author and speaker. She's also the founder of the Southern Christian Women's Conferences, and I'm honored to be part of the Southern Sisters Team!

Deb and her husband, Rick, live in NC and have been married since 1969. They have two children and a beautiful granddaughter.

You can find out more about Deb, her books, and her ministries at her website. And be sure to visit the Southern Christian Women's website to learn how you can bring the conference to your community.

Want your own autographed copy of Stupid About Men? Just leave a comment and you'll be entered in the drawing. Even if you've gotten romance right, perhaps you know someone else who could learn from Deb's wisdom.

I realize that some of you may want to leave a personal-experience comment, but don't want your name listed. If that's the case, please simply email me with your comment and I'll post it anonymously. You'll still be entered in the drawing and no one will know who posed the comment. 

And because this is the time when "love" is in the air, I've expanded this interview to include even more helpful information.

Vonda: Okay, let's get started. First of all, Deb, as one who apparently did get romance right, what led you to write the book, Stupid About Men?

Deb: I've noticed this disturbing trend in my therapy practice, and it's an addiction to romance. Romance is a drug that prevents women from having to deal with the tougher issues in their life like getting an education, managing money, the fear of being alone, aging, finances, dealing with stress, problems with their children, and many other important life challenges. It's an avoidance that's very similar to how men use sex. With the rise in men's addiction to pornography and Internet sex, I've seen an equivalent rise in women's focus on and cravings for the ultimate romantic experience. We all want that to a degree, but that's not the primary goal of long-term relationships. Unfortunately, much of the romance we read (even Christian romance), the movies, and the fairy tales we were read as children perpetuate that myth.

Vonda: So, are you saying that it's wrong to want to fall in love and marry?

Deb: Absolutely not! God wants us to find love, marry, and have children. But when we let our romantic feelings get in the way of wise mate choices--when we make decisions with our hearts only and not our heads--then we get in trouble, especially if we marry too young before we know who we really are or before we matured and learned how to stand on our own two feet. If we marry too young because our hormones are in control and not God, then we risk missing the opportunity of getting an education, developing independently as whole beings, and finding what it is we really want (and what God wants) for our lives.

Vonda: Okay, I know you, so I already know the answer to this question, but I'll ask it anyway: Are you saying that women in general are stupid?

Deb: No way! Stupid behavior don't mean women are stupid, but that they are making irrational choices that throw caution to the wind and don't take into account all the consequences. The warning signs are there but we let our romantic feelings override. We indulge in magical thinking; taking risks in the name of love, and promise to love a man for life without looking critically at him and what we are doing BEFORE we marry him.

Vonda: Why do you use fairytale narratives, referencing characters like Cinderella and Snow White, and how do they relate to some of the most common mistakes women make?

Deb: Well, its fun, for one thing, and we can all relate to them, for another. But the problem is that we relate to them too much. We have allowed them to be a model for femininity in our lives, when in actuality, they should be cautionary tales about what we shouldn't do at all!

Vonda: Can you be more specific?

Deb: Sure. We all know Cinderella's game. And Little Red Riding Hood - my heavens, the girl went into the forest wearing that sassy red cape, carrying a basket of goodies. Where was her mother and why did she dare think she could talk to a wolf? That hussy Rapunzel lets down her hair (a sexual metaphor by the way) for the first guy who gets her out of the tower. Snow White sleeps her life away with food or drugs or television until a man comes along and wakes her up. Or there is Wendy, who adopts lost boys and thinks she can mother them to death and turn them into suitable partners.

Vonda: Ha ha! I have to admit, I've never thought of the princesses' actions in quite that way! So, why do you think women are more likely to buy into the love-will-conquer-all myth?

Deb: We've been taught that somehow the power of our love can change anything, which is true for women of faith. But we've confused the power of God's love with our own sexual love. We've fallen for the "all you need is love..." myth. Relationships and marriage require a whole lot more than romantic love!

Vonda: Oh, how well I know that! I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband, but it still takes work on both our parts. That leads me to this question: Why do women stay in bad relationships?

Deb: Women are naturally rescuers and nurturers. We are biologically wired to give the benefit of the doubt and to give "second chances." We need to nest and bond. Once we women fall in love with someone, we tend to want stay with that person because we are biologically wired to mate for life. When we have a man who feels the same way, we should feel cherished, especially if they treat us well. (We just have to make sure we're treating them well also.)

But because of this natural instinct on the part of women, we sometimes tend to stay much longer than we should in abusive, unhealthy situations and have great difficulty ending relationships with men, even when they are bad for us.

If we are with men who mistreat us, are cruel, abusive, emotionally or physically, then we need to leave them and get help. Staying with them only teaches them they can get away with bad behaviors.

There is nothing godly, Christian, or scriptural about staying with a man who continues to degrade us, in spite of what some churches may tell you. God does not call us to be martyrs for love of a man; only for love of Him. Most abusive men actually keep us from being godly or from serving God at all for that matter. We are too busy simply trying to survive.

Vonda: Do you think some women are particularly vulnerable to rescuing and taking care of other people, especially unhealthy, abusive, manipulative men?

Deb: Yes, there are women who confuse being needed with being loved, and only feel valued as long as they have lots of other people who depend on them. But the problem is that they never get their needs met in return. That's classic co-dependence, which is typical with the oldest child in a family, adults who had to take care of siblings as they were growing up, or with those who've had emotionally unstable parents. Sometimes they simply have an overabundance of nurturing instinct.

Vonda: As the oldest child, I can certainly identify with that! Okay, let's change gears here. Do you think women are more afraid than men of being alone?

Deb: Yes, I do. For thousands of years we've been financially dependent upon men, and we've been programmed to believe that our worth as human beings is correlated with having a man who takes care of us. That's taught by the major world religions, the media, and marketing. Unfortunately that means if she doesn't have a man, she interprets that as a sign that she hasn't proven her worth either to the world or to herself. For women of faith, they may secretly feel being alone as God having forgotten them, which is a lie of the enemy.

Vonda: So where should a woman start if she wants to stop being stupid with men?

Deb: She needs to go on a man-diet for a while if she is single. If she is married she needs to quit focusing on men as being the problem and look to her own issues. She has to stop assuaging fear with yet another romance, either the ones found in books or that cute guy sitting in the church pew she secretly has a crush on. She certainly shouldn't fall into the trap of using one man to get over another. That's a recipe for disaster. Relationship difficulties are not always just being with the wrong person; it might be about knowing how to be with a man of any kind.

The generally accepted wisdom is that it takes at least two years to resolve emotions and conflicts and feelings related to the breakup of a serious relationship. If you don't address your issues and do some changing yourself, then you just bring the same issues into the next relationship. Look at other ways to increase your self-esteem and be honest about how you might be using men to avoid serious developmental tasks, like going back to school, getting a better job or taking care of your children. Resolve your issues with your parents and your ex before you move on. Stop looking at men as the answers to your problems in life. Allow God to help you solve your problems, and then He might bless you with a good man, or start working in the heart of the man you already have!

Vonda: What great words of advice, Deb! Thank you for writing this much-needed book, and thank you for sharing your insights with us today.

And remember, readers, simply leave a comment and you'll be in the drawing for a free copy of Deb's book! Be sure to come back next week to see if you're the winner. In the meantime, I know there are women in our lives who need this book--YOU may need this book! Don't wait.

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Maybe today you're going through a conflict with your significant other. Maybe you have more questions than answers right now about what you're supposed to do in a situation with your mate, your children, your job, or your ministry. I'm thankful that we serve a God of peace.

May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way. 2 Thessalonians 3:16

Let's seek His peace and His wisdom, whatever we're facing this week.

I pray God's blessing on the work of your hands and your hearts,

Vonda

January 26, 2010 | 17 Comments | View or add comments

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